The Art of Having Squilliam Taste on a Squidward Budget

Abundance is my birthright. I walk, breathe, sleep, eat, and manifest abundant situations. But let’s be real—on this earthly plane, we all know that the green, the chi-ching, the currency that holds weight in this world, makes it spin. And while my spirit may be aligned with infinite wealth, my bank account doesn’t always reflect it—especially when I’m between jobs, conserving cash, or taking a self-imposed financial sabbatical.

Coming from the humble yet rich beginnings of Jamaica, I grew up understanding that wealth isn’t just about money. The richest I’ve ever been, in many ways, was in my childhood. But the American financial system? It forces you to place a value on things that might make you forget your natural abundance. When I got my first job at $8.03 an hour, I thought I was doing something. My second job bumped me to $9, then $12 as a key holder. Eventually, I landed jobs that paid me between $12-$15, and for the past five years, I’ve been in roles paying $20 and above. Despite this, there were always moments when I had to switch jobs, cut back, and re-evaluate my spending.

Now, imagine Squidward Tentacles, a man of simple means, watching Squilliam Fancyson, his extravagantly wealthy counterpart, waltz through life without a financial care. We all have a little Squilliam taste inside us, but not all of us have the Squilliam budget to match. So what do you do when you want to maintain your lifestyle without going broke? You get strategic, and I’ve mastered the art of keeping things luxurious (or at least comfortable) even in seasons of conservation. Let’s get into it.

Squidward’s Guide to Balling on a Budget

1. Subscription Cutbacks: The Bikini Bottom Audit

Squilliam would never ask how much he spends on subscriptions because, well, why would he? But for us Squidwards, this is step one.

• Evaluate what you actually use—Are you really watching all those streaming services, or could you rotate them out?

• Look for deals—Some phone carriers bundle streaming services at a lower cost.

• Annual payments—If you can, paying annually can save you in the long run.

2. Beauty Maintenance: DIY Like a Broke But Bougie Babe

When it’s time to conserve, my beauty routine takes a hit.

• Nails? That’s the first to go. Instead of salon visits, I stock up on press-ons and polish from discount stores like Marshalls.

• Waxing? I stretch appointments to every four months instead of two.

• Hair? This is where family connections come in clutch. My mom and sister braid my hair for the low-low. If I need to stretch even further, I revisit my mom’s closet hair stash or rock my natural hair.

  
  

3. Credit Card Payments: Playing the Interest Game

Typically, I try to pay more than the minimum on my credit cards. But in times of conservation, I adjust my payments while still avoiding unnecessary interest buildup. Yes, it means accumulating a little more debt temporarily, but I firmly believe: this too shall pass.

4. Ordering Out: The "We Have Food at Home" Doctrine

Squilliam eats out at five-star restaurants daily, but Squidward? We’re in our "we have food at home" era.

• No DoorDash, no drive-thrus. I meal prep and always carry snacks to avoid spending money on food while out.

• Social events? If it doesn’t fit the budget, I decline or opt for a cook-at-home dinner with friends.

  
  

5. Financial Tracking: Know Where Your Sand Dollars Are Going

I track my spending in my planner. Normally, I review my budget every two weeks, but when conserving, I check it weekly. Awareness is key.

6. Selling on Poshmark: The Bikini Bottom Thrift Store

I’ve been on Poshmark since 2019, and let me tell you, reselling items is an underrated financial hack. During transition periods, I clear out my closet and make some quick cash.

7. Picking Up Side Gigs: The Hustler's Toolkit

• Substitute Teaching: Quick $100 a day.

• Content Creation: Posting old content, creating new content, or monetizing my skills.

• Uber Eats/DoorDash: I’m no stranger to making a few extra dollars through delivery apps.

8. Asking for Help: The Last Resort

If all else fails and you have people willing to support you, don’t be afraid to ask. But be mindful—no one is obligated to fund your lifestyle. If help comes, be grateful and strategic about how you use it.

Final Thoughts: Squilliam’s Lesson for Squidward

At the end of the day, whether you’re navigating an income dip or just taking a financial sabbatical, the goal is to make money work for you, not the other way around. Squilliam may flaunt his wealth, but Squidward’s got wisdom. And in this economy, wisdom will take you further than blind spending.

So, if you ever find yourself in a Squidward budget moment, embrace it with strategy, not scarcity. Your future self will thank you.

What’s your go-to money-saving hack? Drop it in the comments or on the community tab!

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